Mother: Anton, do you think I’m a bad mother?
Son: My name is Paul
Q: Is Google a boy or girl?
A: Obviously a girl because it wont let you finish your sentence without suggesting other ideas
Teacher: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
Student: A teacher!
Teacher: "Anyone who thinks he's stupid may stand up!"
Nobody stands up
Teacher: "I’m sure there are some stupid students over here!!"
Little Johnny stands up
Teacher: "Oh!, Johnny you think you're stupid?"
Little Johnny: "No... i just feel bad that you're standing alone..."
A man to a psychiatrist: “How do you select who should be admitted to your facility?”
The psychiatrist replies: “We fill a bathtub with water and give the person a spoon, a cup and a bucket. Then we ask that person to empty the bathtub.”
The man smiles: “Ah, I understand, if you are sane you would take the bucket.”
The Psychiatrist replies: “No, a sane guy pulls the plug. Do you want a room with or without a balcony?”
3 drunk guys entered a taxi. The taxi driver knew that they were drunk so he started the engine & turned it off again. Then said, "We have reached your destination". The 1st guy gave him money & the 2nd guy said "Thank you". The 3rd guy slapped the driver. The driver was shocked thinking the3rd drunk knew what he did. But then he asked "What was that for?". The 3rd guy replied, "Control your speed next time, you nearly killed us!"
The clear history button in your browser has saved more lives than Superman.
I didn't sleep very good last night. So this morning I put Monster energy drinks in my coffee... I was half way to work when I realized I forgot my car.
Mom: get up Liam, you will be late for school
Liam: but I don't wanna go, all the teachers and students hate me
Mom: you have to go
Liam: give me one reason why I should go
Mom: It's because you are 38 and you are the school's principal
Every morning, I jog around my block 15 times. Then I pick up the block and put it back in my toy box.
Most common lies ever told:
"I didn't do it"
"I'm fine"
"I have read and agreed to the Terms and Conditions"
Clapping, Means?
Repeatedly high-fiving yourself for someone else's accomplishments.